So for a few weeks now, Pig (obviously a pseudo name... ) has been desperately hitting on me via facebook- pathetic, I know.. just go with it. Initially, my response was flattery and I replied to his advances with a sweet thank you and talk to you later. As nice as this sounds, the fairytale is not all that it is cracked up to be- as Pig has previously blatantly expressed his wishes to participate in some vulgar acts with my lady-friends (GROSS!)--but back to the story. So the emails keep rolling in, my responses are non-existent, yet his persistence is admirable. Continuing on his quest to be the biggest uber-pig known to man, this gem of a man decided to act like a complete jack-hole and participate in the events that follow:
Being a law student, my body basically runs off of caffeine, therefore, on my way to recharge I am throughly unamused by just about everything. Standing in line at Dunkin Donuts, waiting for my weak attempt at a Vanilla Chai, I am suddenly swatted, yes swatted like a fly on the wall, with a hat. Turning with my best bitch face to examine the idiot who did this, I come to find Pig standing there, smug look painted on his stupid face, about to attempt to start the weakest conversation ever.
Pig: Hey you!
Me: (still firmly wearing bitch face) Hi.
Pig: (noticing I am holding 2 drinks and waiting for a second bag of food) You have quite the meal there!
Me: Haha (haphazardly laughing) Yea, one is for Jasmine (omgjasmineisthehottestdisneyprincess) and the other is for me...but you know I have to get back to the library. Talk to you later.
So of course I bolt, as fast as a girl can without being completely obvious and reach for my phone to call a friend and explain what just happened. As I stand outside, respecting the no phones in the library rule (like the great..note the sarcasm..law student that I am), Pig walks by me, smiles and goes inside.. PATHETIC. It is to the point where I am beginning to feel bad for the poor guy--I almost want to talk to him just to teach him how to have some game.
Oh...somehow I have neglected to mention, this gem of the male species has a girlfriend... Yes, a full-blown bona fide, live-in girlfriend. And men wonder why we call them pigs.
OINK OINK my friend...OINK OINK
~Rizzo <3
~Rizzo <3
We should turn him into bacon.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I don't eat any pig products, no bacon, no nothing!
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, all I can think of is the infamous line from Saved By The Bell said in only the way A.C. Slater can say, "Well Oink Oink, baby, and if you don't like it, go steady with some other pig!" I'm willing to bet the pig in your story has this phrase on a T-shirt he wears under all his other clothing so only he knows his little secret! hahaha